Plea

I am weary
of my mess
it keeps building and building
that keeps me confined
by the cages of my emotions
confuse me.

I long for you
are my refuge
a place where i am safe
i'd rather not be
happy apart from you
are my light
guides me according to your word
fills my mind anew
the desire to come.

Free me from myself
is the cause of my troubles
seek to drown you out
in the dark
threatens to overtake
me with your love
it never ends according to you word.

I seek only after you
are my joy
comes from the time spent with you
guide and keep me.

I lean on you always
surrounded by your love
honest and true.

New Blog site

I am moving my blog to https://ruminatinggodstruth.wordpress.com/

The Trap of Self-Doubt

It's amazing how quickly one can go from feeling great to feeling horrible. When I see something that reminds me of a mistake that I have made in the past it can cause me to dwell on it. I end up ignoring the present while wallowing in my imperfections and not  focusing on Christ's perfection.

A few weeks ago I backed into a truck and today I happened to see that truck again. The whole way home I was distracted, dwelling upon what I would say if I ran into him again(not with my truck this time). It caused me to drive home in "auto-pilot" and make even more mistakes. When this was brought to my realization I also saw how this is true in other areas of my life.

Focusing on past failures, whether relational, managemental, etc. just leads to us missing the present. We lose time that God has given us to bring more people into His kingdom when we dwell in self pity. No matter how much we think about the things that we regret will not change it the past.

I have struggled with this so much in my past and God is slowly renewing my mind so that I focus on His perfection instead. He has made me new and my mistakes do not define me; His grace and choice of me does. So I can now go up to the guy I backed into and make it right not covered in shame but in the knowledge that Christ still loves and wants me. Hopefully this transfers to other areas of my life as well.

Humble War

"And Asa cried to the LORD his God, "O LORD, there is none like you to help, between the mighty and weak. Help us, O LORD our God, for we rely on you, and in your name we have come against this multitude. O LORD, you are our God; let not man prevail against you." 2 Chronicles 14:11 (ESV) emphasis my own

As the Government of Alberta seeks to take away God's design for families there are ways that we can fight. First of all we need to determine the enemy and his/her tactics. According God we are not fighting against flesh and blood but against the dark unseen forces of evil, aka, the devil and his cohorts. He seeks to steal our hope in Christ, kill our fruitfulness in the work for the kingdom, and destroy the works of God in the earth. Remembering who the real enemy is we can fight the battle properly.

This war doesn't start and end with the government and their regulations, it starts in our hearts and ends when God is victorious. In the prayer above King Asa is humble before God. He knows in His heart the weakness of man compared to the enemy. The devil was his enemy back then just as he is own enemy today. We are weaker than the devil on our own but through Christ we are stronger. Just as on his own Asa was weaker than the Ethiopians but with God he was able to defeat them.

Since our enemy is the Devil we need to know his tactics, he starts by destroying our view of God. He did this in the garden. He plants a seed of distrust towards the word and love of God. He wants us to doubt God in our hearts because he knows that this will change how we live every moment of our lives. It will remove our willingness to love those around us in heart and action. He wants to divide the church of God. So we need to start with asking God to seek our hearts for any wickedness so that we may walk humbly and purely before God, conforming to His design. The battle starts in our hearts not our parliaments.

When God has worked through our hearts He will turn to our actions. The enemy wants us to live contrary to God's plan, which means living in isolation and dysfunction. Therefore the next stage in this war is to align our actions with the Word of God so that we may glorify Him in how we treat others. Are we broken over the sins of the world? Do we show God's love to those we come in contact with? Do we love above all else? The Law of God is summed up in two things: Love the Lord you God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and love your neighbour as yourself. When we do this we put God's word and glory above our own views and glory. This battle will rage our whole lives but it needs to be started before we can fight in the public sphere.

When God has worked through our actions He will turn to our interactions with the secular world. Only when we are humbly walking before Him in the light of His goodness and grace can we effectively go to battle against the injustice of oppressive governments. King Asa was following God's Word and so were the people. They conformed their practices to God's design so when they prayed this prayer in the face of their enemy God gave them victory. God will give us victory over the enemy when we, like Asa, humbly seek His deliverance. This must happen in all the stages.

So as we seek to defeat the oppression of this Government we must seek first to defeat the oppression of sin in our lives and the lives of those around us. In light of eternity what Government we have now won't matter as much as what we did when they arose.

Keep in mind that this was written in light of the grace and finished work of Christ Jesus our LORD and King.

A Night on the Farm

After a tumultuous few weeks with testing and doctor appointments, it was refreshing to just spend the evening taking photos of the birds and horses we have on our farm. Sitting atop a fence post for an hour or so with the setting sun at my back has a way of rejuvenating my mind; God has been so loving with the opportunity to do this! 

To just take time and not think about what needs to be done or what decisions need to be made, and just rest. How easily it is to be sucked into what I have to do and not what has already been done for me. Even during this storm of health decisions and such, I believe that it is still important for me to take time to rest and not work towards something and just enjoy that which God has bountifully provided for me in nature and my family. 

One encouragement that I could give is to always take time away from all that you are doing, not for yourself but to remember what has been done by the God who loves you very much.  

In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat-- for he grants sleep to those he loves.~ Psalm 127:2 (NIV)

The Hardest Thing of All

The hardest thing with this test is that everyone seems to expect me to be facing apart

To be asking why

To be sad

Scared

Worried

Mad

But when you're not it seems that they don't believe you

They still treat you like you're broken

Weak

Shattered

This is the hardest thing to do.

I am not broken

Scared

Worried

Or angry

My life is not mine

It is not for me

It is not for my comfort

Happiness and such

It is for those around me

For the broken people surrounding me

For those looking for help

For those crying out for help

My life is not for me

It is for God and His will

War

How does one get back to God when there no desire drawing you there?

You know you need to

You want to need to

Old habits come back

Haunting you slowly

Silently

How do you get back when you know the He hasn't left you

You feel Him there

Hear Him there

Know He's there

How do you get back when you know that this is test

Of your faith

Determination

Discipline and

Love

One you know you'll be victorious over because you posses the Spirit of God in you

You know His voice

You've tasted of His love

You get back by fighting

For your passion

For your relationship

All on your knees

Seeking the face of your King

Not doing things

But tasting things a fresh

His voice

His love

His presence

His compassion

His holiness

His courage

His warrior spirit that defends you against the worst enemies

His passion for you.

God is faithful to be found by those who seek His face