For as along as I can remember I have seen everything in a sort of black and white way due to having the spiritual gift of perception. I struggled with putting the Grace of Christ with the black and white view of sin He that He also showed. Everything that people did, said and enjoyed was analyzed and stored in either the "white" or "black" section; there was no grey area. This has left me with few close friends growing up and even fewer friends my age. I know lots of people but I only have a few friends who I truly open up to and even now the closet one to my age is 3 and half years older than me. I was like a rock with all these sharp edges that only those with tough skin could handle.
Since I was not allowing God to file the rough edges of my gift He was forced to take drastic measures; I was allowed to get cancer. This forced me to get rid of the "I need to do everything for myself because if others do it for me I am not being a servant but a burden" and "I have to tell everyone what they are doing wrong so they don't end up in hell" mindsets. He forced me to learn the true meaning of Grace and how it meshes with my black and white view.
Being so sick that people had to spoon feed me, carry me everywhere and read my Bible to me first of all smashed most of my pride to smithereens, forced me to lean on God for Grace, and to spend pretty much all my lucid time in prayer. I could see everyone around me struggling yet I was powerless to do anything to lessen the burden that I had become, so I prayed. God brought two amazing friends into my life who have put up with me and have had the patience to let God teach me, through them, what grace looks like. He broke my habit of speaking first and praying later and gave me a habit of praying first and speaking rarely. It has made being around people easier and my life more joyful.
Now when I meet someone and their sin stares me right in the face I no longer write them off as someone I can't be around (out of fear that I would start doing the same thing) but I am more open to get to know them and see why they are doing what they do and then pray that God would free them from such things. He has given me the heart of Grace while strengthening my black and white perspective ( still no grey area). It has take two painful years spiritually, emotionally and physically to get this and I hope that anyone reading this who is the same would learn faster and without the hardships that I did.
"The Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Grace (God’s favor and blessing) be with you. Amen (so be it)." 2 Timothy 4:22
