Perfection or Enjoyment

It's amazing how much of a failure I feel that I am when I think that I have to do everything myself: Things ranging from designing our barn to my devotions. I put so much pressure on myself to do it all perfectly that I forget to enjoy it and serve those around me.

Today I went to ride my horse Jesse and I went in thinking that I would tell the trainer that I wanted to bring her home to our new farm because I was ready and it cost too much, but in all honesty the reason I wanted to was because I had allowed myself to take the pressure and responsibility of training her completely upon my shoulders. I forgot that it was God's responsibility and that He knows exactly what her and I need. I no longer trusted anyone else with her training and then I allowed the money factor blind me to my true motives.

Also I forgot that God promised that He would supply the funds that I need to go to Sweden and that I could enjoy my horse and the training and lessons her and I receive where she is at. I have been allowing the fear of not having enough for Sweden to consume me and cause me to hoard all my money. This has lead to a ginourmous stressful burden to fall onto my shoulders and cause me to think of what money I had constantly instead if God and how He always provides. Stress is very emotionally and physically draining.

All this applying of pressure left me emotionally wasted and spent. Fighting for sleep but never wining it.  So much so that today almost got ruined by it when the day was actually one of the best I have had in a long time. My ride on Jesse was the best I have ever had in the whole time I've ridden horses (in my memory at least) and the visit to our new farm to check it out without its blanket of snow showed us how faithful God is! There is much less work and much more room than any of us thought possible. Also the young horse at work got better from his cold today as well! So despite my emotional exhaustion I choose to say and know that today was truly an amazing day :)

God showed me today that when I remember to smell the beautiful flowers that He has planted to show His love for me, my days are much more enjoyable. Jesus took on the pressure to be perfect in everything so that those who choose to live in Him can be free from such pressures. We must remember this when Satan tries to convince us that it is our responsibility to be perfect. We just need to live in His love (includes His will)  for us and He will provide everything